Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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