She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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