it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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