I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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