Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
