I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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