But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
