but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
