Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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