wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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