in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
