I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
