She went from zero to smokin in five shots
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
