I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
