Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
