he looks like a really good dad on facebook
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
