Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
