Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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