I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
