i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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