he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
