1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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