Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
