Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
