she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
