Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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