Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
