I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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