I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
