so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
