I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
