Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
