I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
