I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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