Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
