you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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