So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
