are you still at the devil's house?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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