I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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