in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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