I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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