fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
