What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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