shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
