New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You were trust falling into bushes
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
