woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
