Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
