absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
