just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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