Tell her she can't have a vagina
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
