it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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