dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
