I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
