Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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